AS THE SAYING GOES....NO ONE SAID IT WOULD BE EASY

 

 

 As a young girl I was brought up to never discriminate, and actually, I never knew that racism still existed in the world as it does today.  I had my first encounter with racism in my predominantly white high school when a friend of mine told our group of friends that he had been verbally attacked and called the horrible word that is frequently used to define African Americans.  As someone who never discriminates or who completely disagrees with racism I was extremely bothered by this experience and wondered how people could be so ignorant.  Little did I know that this type of discrimination could even reside in people that I cared for, people in my family. 

 

My next encounter with racism and discrimination came when I was around 18 years old, while dating an African American man.  This man was from a different state and had no family in the area so I invited him to our family’s Thanksgiving dinner.  Thanksgiving morning my dad asked me to sit down with him because he had something important to tell me.  I will never forget the pain I felt when I heard what he had to say.  My father told me that my grandpa wouldn’t be attending Thanksgiving dinner because he did not want to see me with a black man.  It hurt me from deep inside to know that my grandpa, someone who I was so close with, was against my relationship with an African American man.  I never even knew that these feelings existed within my grandpa, and I cried.  My grandpa ended up coming to the dinner and I tried to act like I didn’t know about his feelings, or that I was so bothered by how he felt.  At this point in my life I still didn’t realize the extent of prejudice and racism that continues to lie within some people even though its been many years since the civil rights movement.  I also didn’t realize just how much of it I would experience either.  

  

Since then, I have experienced many more encounters with racism, prejudice, and discrimination because of the interracial relationships and friendships that I have had throughout the years.  I have dated all different races and although you would think that I have developed a thick skin when dealing with the issues and discrimination that interracial relationships experience, I have yet to develop this “thick skin”.  I still get bothered by the comments, looks, and racist views that people carry upon themselves.  I don’t think I will ever be ok with someone looking down or speaking down upon my marriage, let alone the man I am with.

 

 I remember the first time I laid my eyes on this man, there was something about him, his smile, and the way he presented himself that made me interested in him.  I wasn’t sure what it was at the time but I just knew there was something there between us.  A few years passed by, during those years either I had a boyfriend or he had a girlfriend.  Most of the time when I was single, he was not and when he was single, I was not, go figure.  Still there was a crush that only grew stronger as the years and months went by.  I was never the type to pursue someone and I later found out I wasn’t the type to show when I had a crush on someone either.  I had known that he was interested in me before, but he never acted upon his feelings.  Becoming a couple seemed like it would never happen. 

 

 

A tragedy ended up bringing us together, my father passed away and he decided to finally contact me on the phone instead of waiting to meet up with me while hanging out with mutual friends.  He asked me to step out of the house with our friends for the night and although I was still very distraught from my father’s passing I decided to go because, well, my crush personally contacted me, finally.  I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me and I thought it would even help to get my mind off of all the crying I was doing the past week and a half.  I am so glad I took the opportunity to meet up with him instead of wallowing in my own tears for the evening.  That night changed my life and is where it started to grow into what it has become today.  That night he brought me flowers and we focused on each other the entire evening, instead of focusing on our friends that were there with us.  I knew at that point that this man, my crush, was going to be more than just an acquaintance, at least I hoped it was going to grow into something more, and grow it did. 

 

 

 

We have become a blended “mixed” family.  My first daughter is from a previous marriage and we also have a daughter together as well, both beautiful girls he declares as his own.  From white people I have heard that he is not good enough for me or have actually heard the horrible world that is frequently used to define African Americans which I don't even like to quote.  From African Americans I have heard that white women don’t appreciate beautiful black men and they only belong with African American women, in a sense that I am not good enough for him either.  Fact is, although we are from different races I love this man from the inside-out.  This man treats me better than any other man that I have ever been with and although he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve I know that he loves me more than any other man has loved me.  This man protects me and our daughters with his entire being and he would do anything for us.  We are very happily married and I am sure we will experience many more encounters with racism and discrimination as we spend our forever with each other.  Although these encounters and experiences bring some heartache and tears, I will gladly experience these times with my husband because I love this man with all my heart and appreciate him for the amazing and beautiful man that he is.

 

 

 

Race does not biologically define us and should not define how we think of each other either.  Scientifically all humans are pretty much the same even though everyone has different genes and traits which only make us look physically different.  I only hope someday people will understand this and until then......... 

 

"No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."